)I was never really cocky enough to use my penis allthat well anyway. When you get a penis attached to acocky guy, you can have a wonderful night, eve... ifyou wish he?d turn into a frappachino when you arethough. --What was the hardest thing?The hardest thing was learning to go all the way. I?mnot talking about having sex here, but about trustingthat the choices worked. I kept thinking that if Iwent too far I would look silly, that people wouldlaugh or tell me to cut it out, and that was. I was lucky; I had a friend, Amber whoattended. Amber was a neighborhood girl who became my best friend overthe years, in time we married and then divorced. I used my degree in accounting to gain employment in a local factory, Ithought I was succeeding; I learned that my parents and family usedconnections to get me in..."Johnny come lately". I stayed with the jobtill I decided to enlist in the military; Viet Nam was ongoing at thetime. I did not want wait till I was drafted, again my parents. ...many more........we chatted chatted at last i gave her my number and within a second i got a miss call......and she replied that she dint send a miss call but wanted me to save her number and to understand that she too is feeling scared and shy to speak.....i too the initiative and called her......she said now she was in Mumbai on work and will back to Hyderabad with in few days ....i wished her Happy new year......she spoke so well with the greatest respect .....she had a gift she speaks. I say nothing and stare at the blank tv. He asks if I am coming to bed or if I am going to stay up and talk to my boyfriend. I continue my silence, shaking my head as if to fix my hair. He heads to the bedroom and I know it will me mere moments before he is out cold. I glance at the clock. Fourteen minutes. That’s so very unimpressive and yet so great because I would lose it if it lasted longer.I finish my cigarette and text you quickly. I miss you. Have sweet dreams love. And then delete it so.