Therewe were greeted by Shekhar and his three friends very warmly. Thenwhisky was served and all of us took whisky with soda and every thingwas fine. ...hen dinner was served and it was also very good.Thereafter I and Deepak asked for permission from Shekhar to leave butbefore Shekhar could speak one of his friends came and said: jis kaamke liye bulaayaa tha woh to abhi hua hi nahin abhi kaise jaa rahe ho.Then he started abusing us: madarchod bhosadiwale tum is ki bahen kibur chodo uski gaand. Somehow that effeminate statement justleft my mouth without me thinking about the consequences. That I wouldaccidentally say something so effeminate shouldn't have surprised mesince I had other stereotypical "girl" or "gay" interests such as a loveof Hollywood gossip.In the next phase of my life things turned really weird. Now I know thatmy aunt and my mother were frequently talking to each other on the phoneso I have no idea if my aunt ever tried to hint to my mother that I wasgay but it. In all fairness i really just want to be Caroline in front of him. But i was not ready to share that side of me. I was still afraid of what he think of that ideer. Though the more i think about it. The more i think he wouldn't mind. “Oh yes it is wired…. But look at them. They are literally girls feet encased in pantyhose. And i wanna touch and feel those fantastic looking petite feet” That turned me on even more. But i hided my excitement, and looked a bit funny at him. “Come on Brian.. I have basically tried every trick I know in hopes of getting it to work, but every time I thought I was close, I felt myself getting farther away.That’s when you start running into diminishing returns. When what you really need is a break ... but you try to plow through it anyway.Thus my raging frustration at the top of this chapter.Silly? Melodramatic? Maybe.But, it’s my cross to bear.Thank you for letting me get it out.If there is one silver lining in all of this, it’s that I have several.