I don't even use my real femme name here. My real femmename is Carrie, but I use Chanelle because it sounds so sexy. And sexy isreally where it's at. ...ou see we are all so insecure with our ownfemininity that in the beginning we try to become this sort of fantasywoman for men, you know like a Playboy centerfold, or some babe on Baywatch.The more you make yourself look like one of those big breasted bimbos, themore you feel you will be accepted as a real woman by men. Because the moremen who see. Filling cabinets over flowing, a safe. But the most dominant feature is the window looking out to the bar. There’s a girl dancing ... stripping on a runway, the sound of a Stones song bleeds through. Waitresses in the Cowgirl outfits walk through the bar. Overall everything is dark, the customers are male, working class. It’s not a high end place, more of a shit kicking place with promises of nudity. Designed to take the salary from the guy working 1st or 2nd shift before they get home.“Seems,. She hadn’t killed people herself, but she knew her mother had. Her mother was always exhorting her to understand the necessity to be ruthless when required. “The palace sewers open outside the palace walls,” he said. “For you, it will be a walk that is at least six palms long, but it will seem longer, because you have to walk unseen, under the ground.”She wrinkled her nose in disgust.“You’re asking me to walk the length of the sewer!” she said. “I will have to meet you outside palace walls, my. "I haven't talked about it with him," she said.I didn't know what to say, so I looked at my knees."Gina, I just want to know that you were careful," she said and touchedthe back of my hand.When I looked up she was smiling, shyly and their was something in herexpression I'd never seen before - friendship, acceptance even. Were Mumand I going to be friends now she had a daughter?"It's okay, Mum. It was a girl."Her hand fluttered to her mouth. "You kissed a girl!" I've aways wanted to."She was.