I was sitting so close I could start to smell her womanly scent. Daring to go a step further, I reached out and cupped her other cheek. "Can you hold ...n a moment, please," Kelly said to the caller. Damn, I crossed the line, I thought. End of the show. I was wrong. Kelly covered the phone with her hand and whispered to me, "Both hands," then continued with her call. I must be dreaming, I thought to myself, but I wasn't going to stop until Kelly said so. For several minutes I softly massaged,. I drove miles above the speed limit and prayed a cop wouldn’t try and stop me tonight. Back at her place we make our way past her large German Shepard who was waiting silently at the front door and step into her spacious living room. Lisa looks at me and says “I’m horny” she pulls up her skirt, pulls off her panties and sits right down on her sofa with her skirt bunched up around her waist. “Eat me out” she orders.My earlier thoughts of Lisa being a timid little virgin had now totally. Wife texts husband on a beautiful day after a fruit picking weekend: "Apples driving me nuts, what to do."Husband texts back: "put in cider maker and crank up the pressure."Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer gone flat now."These are compliments Bill LBritish humor as it used to be: absolutely politically incorrect.It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloreds from. I'm bisexual and I have always tried to deny my desires of being fucked and sucked by a man or men.One day in the summer I was home alone and had no worries of my wife coming back that day. In fact she was going to be gone for the next 3 days, so I had made plans on fucking myself with a 7inch dildo that was going to be delivered by UPS later that afternoon. I ordered this to be delivered on a day I knew she'd be gone, as to not arouse any suspicion on her part as to what was in the plain brown.