. I berated myself for these thoughts. Pissing off the Almighty was not the way to go. Ah fuck it! I'd read Dante's Inferno and the Niven and Pournell... update of it. Even though my memories of the details of Hell's geography were a bit hazy, I knew the topography. If I ended up in Hell I was pretty sure I could navigate my way out of it. I'd have all eternity anyway. A memory of the final cantos filtered through to my consciousness and I laughed silently. 'When Hell freezes over', is a common. I reached the bottom of the stairs wanting to cry, and not knowing whyI hadn't yet during the awful past hour or so, considered turningaround and running straight back upstairs.Before I had a chance, I was met by my mother, handing me a girl'sblack canvas school bag and a sandwich bun."We've got to go so you'll have to have your breakfast on the way,sorry", my mother explained.I looked down at the sandwich I'd been given, but found myself beingushered towards the door, and my reluctance to move. In some ways I was still seeing myself as if I were still a little girl. Sex was something for the far distant future if at all. I was quite content to remain a virgin for my entire life, ‘ She brought her hands to her bosom and continued: ‘- in spite of these, in spite of how the boys act around me. In fact up until the end of my dance I hadn’t really been seeing myself as a sexual being at all – ever.’ Barbara went on: ‘Ann asked to borrow my negligee but all that did was remind me that I had. "I want you toleave."There was a moment of silence outside before my boss spoke again, anyplayfulness or mockery gone from his voice. In its place was completeseriousness as he asked, "What can no one fix, Ashley? You being stuckas a girl?" I said leave!" I shouted at the door. No, it was more of a scream, andpaired with a sudden burning in my eyes that meant I was about to startcrying again. I fucking hated crying.There was no answer. There certainly wasn?t the sound of anyone gettingup.