The comments pretty much boiled down to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failur...."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so self-consciously self-contradictory, self-vaunting and self-evasive, I hardly know where to begin. So I'll won't begin.. She lifted her leg as he tookit from the box and attached it around her right ankle Jak kissed himpassionately on the lips, it was her turn to give him a gift, she openedher handbag and removed a small wrapped box and Geoff took it with a grinon his face."Is it what I think it is Jak," Geoff asked"Yes" she whispered softly "and it's ready to go." Geoff removed thesmall remote control from the box and smiled as he gently pushed the smallslider up and watched as Jak's face changed expression and. So she asked me to come to her home in the evening everyday to study. At first I hesitated, but then because it was my need, I agreed. Then I started going to her house regularly. She didn’t have any children till then, but I never wondered why, and nobody in the school also knew much about her family. She and her mother-in-law were the only people staying in the house, along with a servant who would come at the morning and leave after an hour or two. Her husband was a business man. He was out. Tom was wearing a tiny blue thong and his hard black cock was already straining it to its limits. I marveled at his body for a few seconds then took hold of his dark dick and guided it inside my salivating mouth. It tasted as good as it looked. I was rock hard already.I made that huge thing wet with my hot mouth juices and then I led him into our bedroom where he proceeded to remove my jeans with no hesitation. Soon my own tiny thong had disappeared and Tom had me on my back, my legs spread.