When the boat is barely afloat, Mario calls again:MARIO: "Mayday! Mya boat, she hassa almost sunk! I needa help NOW!"AMSA: "This is Maritime Rescue. A...knowledged. Our Focker Friendship is on its way out to you now."MARIO: "Look, I noa needa your Focker Friendship! I needa your Focker Help!!"The Italian Wedding(Note 1: the groom, Luigi, has a secret, of which his bride is unaware - when he was young, he lost half of his foot in an accident. However, the prosthetic he wears works so well that it. ‘We don’t do coupling rites,’ she answered. I was stunned. What kind of religion was this? ***** At the end of high school during the graduation ceremonies, I congratulated myself. I felt humbled by the enormity of my task, and grateful for the strength that had been given me to fulfill my mission. By the grace of the Golden Axiom, I had persevered to plant the Immutable Jewel of Light within every member of the male population that marched across the platform that night to receive their. And then as soon as it published, everything turned to shit flavored frozen rain. And this is the most important thing… Whatever you do, never write a goddamn successful novel, you fucking idiot! ***** As you might have expected, I speak from personal experience. And now, in the time honored tradition of shitty novelists everywhere, I am going to take you all the way back to the beginning, whether you want it or not. I grew up the last of a family of six kids in a frightening little. The aspirin and beer was rapidly chasing the headache away and the horny feeling was rising.Dawn ambled into the kitchen, filled and switched her coffee machine on and got some bread out to toast. She slipped back to the night before in her mind. It had been a fun night, well no sex which was a downer, but still fun. Dawn had met some buddies in a local bar in her small town in Iowa, and they had just chilled out some, drinking beer and joking around. A terrible band started playing out of key.