.."Honey, if you want to go change right now, and never become Carolynagain, that's fine with me, and you know that, but I have the suspicionthat you ...ike the way you look, more than you're admitting, plus, I'llbet that you have discovered something else about yourself, and thatscares you." In her calm gentle voice, mom had spoken something that noreal boy wanted to hear. "That's what's bothering you, isn't it? Youfound out that you like being a girl, don't you?"I could not bring myself to say. It was hopeless sharing a flat with Toby. He's worse than I ever was, and that's saying something. Last I heard he was in trouble again. He went to Greece, humping the kit for some crap band, and got busted for drugs. He always had to be getting up to something. He wasn't so bad when he was with you. You probably helped to calm him down, like.'I nodded. Was that how the three of them thought of me, as someone they asked to tag along to calm things down? There was another half minute of edgy. This certainly wasn't proof that Marsha and Leon were up to anything, but it didn't lead me to any other conclusion. I figured that Leon always waited for Chilly to leave so she wouldn't know what he and Marsha were up to. I had proof of nothing, but my suspicions were beginning to drive me crazy.One night a couple of months ago I was standing at the bar pretending that I was having an interesting conversation with another member when Chilly left the room. Marsha and Leon were both still in the. That is where I could feel it most that he loved me. “Make love to me,” I whispered against his lips and looking him in the eyes. “I need you.” He moved himself back into the seat and pulled me over onto his lap. My heart was racing a million miles a minute, I could not keep up. All I could think about was how badly I needed him inside of me. I did not want him, I needed him. I needed him to feel me, to fill me up, to touch me, to love me, to make me his. I needed him more than I had ever.