Over and over, like I've somehow completed a circuit. Plugged into nature.Heat sears my palms. I only realise the extent after I yank up to kneel on m... haunches, the photograph fluttering a few feet. It catches in the crook of a stray twig where I glimpse her face. Almost a reflection, familial features strong. Bubbly and vivacious. Before the illness and doctors and medication stripped it all away. Before she put her faith in them over herself. Over me. Became a gaunt, hollow shell. Lost. Plus, this new animal in the apartment would no doubt keep her parrot confined to her room and thus keep him from pooping all over the place. As long as the landlord didnt find out I had broken his no pets rule, my life would be perfect. I gave Spots a few days to get accustomed to his new life. He quickly got acclimated to his new surroundings and eventually learned to accept me as his new master. On the third night, the long-awaited moment finally arrived. My roommates were out for the. ” I replied, while hoping that this was heading where I thought it could be heading. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Was it really this simple? Or maybe she just wanted to talk and not do anything physical? Before I could elaborate on my answer to keep the conversation alive, she informed me that her parents were at work until five, and that would give us two hours after school to be alone. I had no doubt as to what she was implying, and I accepted trying to hide my excitement and told. I couldn’t imagine anything more exciting than an intimate relationship with her, and that desire was an aspect of my sexuality I’d never known I had. So forbidden, it struck a deep chord with me.I looked at my hands and saw age; skin slightly looser than in my youth, scars and calluses from a lifetime of work. I was old. I might not feel it, but I was an old man in the eyes of the world.It was wrong. This wasn’t a complex situation. I was wrong.I opened my mouth to tell her and blurted out.