I would never mean to displease You. I only opened it for a secondand then closed it right back up because I knew I was being bad. Please forgiveme!? ... pleaded as I sunk down to my knees and hugged his legs, silent now,because I knew I'd said too much already , asking for His mercy. ?Yes, on your knees, you awful little girl, that is right where you belong,? Hisvoice boomed. ?I am ashamed of you and wonder now if you will ever be worthyof calling Me your Master. I do not wish to have My slave. Guess it's just as well I was good at acting.It wasn't exactly something I could talk to my Dad about or was it?I'd been having sex for nearly four years now and it wasn't anything like I expected. I gave blowjobs and even faked orgasms but real ones were few and far between.One guy that I was very close to asked me to marry him. I told him I needed to talk to my Dad before I could give him an answer. I thought I loved him but I wasn't sure. I went home for the Christmas holidays and decided to. The look on his face was of fright. He turned beat red, and stuck his head in his book.I walked back to my desk, and waited for the buzzer for 5th to end and 6th to come in. Jeremy rushed out the door. I expected him to come up to me and ask for his book back. He did not, and I figured he would come back after school. During 6th period I had the class read the same chapter. Sitting there I decided to look at that book I slipped it out of my habit and for the first time, looked at the cover. In. .. And then the twins came, and we had to tear it all down and put it away, like a temporary stage.But it had left a trace, a messy maze that we were now lost in. Here we were again, talking of Truth, and yet ... Were we repeating the same mistakes from January? Was this leap of faith going to turn sour, an imaginary idyll that really had no place in anyone’s life?Maybe it was all just an illusion ... Maybe we were destined to go in circles, pretending to want one thing while being distracted.