’ I said, ‘Yes Mum, no Mum.’ ‘Yes to smoking?’ I said, ‘Yes Mum.’ ‘And just what did you say when you were caught?’ I looked up at...the Head Mistress and gave a defiant look, but kept my mouth shut. ‘Hmmmm I have seen the member of staff who caught you and she has told me what she thought she heard. What did you say?’ I said, ‘I said Silly Fucking Cunt, Mum.’ ‘You called a member of staff a silly fucking cunt!’ The Head Mistress roared. ‘No Mum. I was referring to myself for getting caught!’. Unlike others, she saw something different in me. Not on the outside, but that thing you can't quite see, the inside of a human soul. I was always the shy one, the one who hid at the back of the room, quiet, head down, my insides shaking as I looked around at all these strange people I didn't know.No mercy, ridiculed and poked for how I looked, laughed at by some. In their cruel fashion of pain they enjoyed causing another person to shed tears. They say words can't hurt you, but those people. I can remembermany a night coming home from a trying business trip and dumping mysuitcases and climbing the stairs for a few hours sleep as I had a flightin the morning. I had even had a few parties here over the years andthose were fun. I have to admit there was a tear in my eye as I pulledthe door closed. I was closing the door on that part of my life and ithad been a good one. I knew that there were adventures and good timesahead for Beth and to have that I had to do this. Still one can't. It is interesting to think about how my sexuality has evolved since I was 17. I didn’t come out or start dating women until I was 30. At the time it seemed like such a relief to not have to perform a hetero role because I had a lot of deeply buried feelings that I had to deal with. Having a break from social expectations of heterosexuality helped me to redefine myself. Some people have a hard time wrapping their brains around the idea of a changeable gender because they see a natural definition.