James looked at his reflection in the rear and side view mirrors. His facewas streaked with the clear salt-water marks of a full on crying jag and his...yes were red. James started the car and turned on the car radio. As he droveout of the parking lot he thought about the other former men, now women hehad seen. One was obviously an older and very well heeled business type. Theother two, he could not peg, their clothes were a bit too patched togetherand "Thrift store-ish. Maybe they were college. As they did so, they could not fail to notice Claire on her hands and knees at my feet. A few people giggled and pointed."Look everyone," I continued, "Look at this bitch on her hands and knees at my feet like a dog. And do you know why? Because that's where she belongs .... On the floor."There were a number of nervous laughs as people took in what was happening. I looked down at Claire cowering at my feet. Bending over, I patted her head, "Good doggie." More laughter. Everyone in the room was. "Who am I attracted to?" "What am I?" It didn't help that I was ugly and a bit fat. Eventually I did find the truth that had eluded me for 21 long years. If it hadn't been for Aaron, I might be in a mental hospital by now.It was a sunny day outside but that didn't make any difference to me since I was sitting inside on my computer - as usual. From the outside my house looked like any other on that street, standard boring looking house smack bang in the centre of suburbia - perfect for a hacker. ... independent. I had cried off and on all day and had collared my friend for the day. I bought more alcohol and after returning from the scrap yard, started to drown my sorrows again. You sat with me and tried cheering me up but the drink just made me worse so you suggested we go throw the keys to the bottom of the river. The river was a half hours walk away from the house and it was early autumn. The look in your eyes said it all and no more persuasion was needed. My partner wasn't bothered.