The Gilmore Girls had taken me to the Hindenburg Brothers Traveling Carnival back in Indianapolis. There were tigers and elephants and one tent with b...rlesque music where only men were allowed. Riles had told me, “You’ll be old enough one day.”Emma said, “Maybe.”There was also a Crazy House, full of skeletons and monsters and mirrors that confused and distorted.Fun House Street.The Osgood Palace was also brick — just like the Castle and the Red Light Saloon. But it was different too. As was the. " So we started with the small talk on the rideto who knows where as the windows were all blacked out but I didn't careas I was lost in our conversation which eventually led to her sitting onmy lap rubbing my inner thigh to which she whispered in my ear "I wannapleasure your fat cock right here right now..." to which I immediatelystarted nodding as I was so entranced and lost in the moment (or it couldhave been the champagne as it could have been spiked with something tomake us all relax)...in. She reached up and took his dying cigarette from between his fingers. She inspected it closely before taking a long slow drag. She exhaled slowly from those small pursed lips. “I don’t usually,” she said almost conspiratorially, “but, by God, I really needed that.” She leant over Mex to stub out the cigarette. The folds of the mosquito net defeated her and Mex took the smouldering stub from her and did the needful. Milly lay back and folded her arms under that remarkable bosom. She looked. This is kind of a way for me to work through my thoughts. The title will be explained further in later installments. ***** I wasn’t always this way, broken and demented, torturing myself emotionally to distract from a deeper ache. I use to be wholesome. I was the girl with ambition and drive, searching for clarity in the ambiguity of the life I was living and the world I was merely a grain of sand in. I was confident, and still am in ways that don’t seem to matter anymore. Where I lost it was.