"I didn't know what to say."After our fifteenth anniversary, I cheated on her, with another man.It was my first gay sexual encounter. It had been bui...ding up andbuilding up for years, until it got the point where I had to try it, Ihad to find out if it was really me, really what I wanted, or whether Iwas just going through a weird middle-aged fantasy trip. Even though Iwas nervous, and worried, and scared, I met a guy online, through anapp, and we hooked up." He stopped, and I could see a. I told her much to her surprise, that my libido was still very much in force, and that I had been masturbating almost on a daily basis just in order to satisfy my basic needs. Gladys was surprised to hear me telling her all this of course, especially since she hadn't masturbated for years, and hadn't done anything at all since the death of her husband."Standing there listening to Maggie tell the story was interesting enough as it was. But as I glanced over in Shirley's direction, I saw her. While the coffee maker does its thing and the microwave turns a moderately appetizing piece of rubber warm I rush back to the bedroom and throw on some clothes. As I pass through the living room I glance at the digital thermometer on the book shelf. Well, at least it's working today and transmitting the 'news' inside. Crap, the fancy thermometer says it's already 84 outside and 58% humidity.I sit on the edge of the bed and use my hands to lift each leg up so I can put on my socks. Damn, I. I try to smile to bravely match her happy state, but I fail miserably. I feel small and unworthy next to her. I look out at the ocean to cover my foolishness. Is there some kind of cosmic conservation law for the human condition? When I met her, I was touching the clouds and she was in agony. Now are situations have reversed, like one has to balance the other. ‘No, I’m not gonna jump.’ I try to sound bored. Emily and the pile of shit must have worked out their differences. ‘How are you?’ She.