I thought I had been very brave it was the one job I wasn’t happy with doing myself, I had attended a nail parlour in a town far enough away, that I...didn’t care whether or not they believed story about my part that required long nails in the charity Christmas panto, in fact the young girl had probably guessed when I chose the more subtle coral pink varnish rather than the garish bright red tarts gloss that would have been more akin to my non-existent role in the non-existent panto I. "Okay," I grinned at his look of happy surprise "get a B minus and you can touch me above the waist for five minutes." And as long as I like for five of them?" he asked eagerly."Nope, you'll need a straight B for that." I laughed then added. "Get a B plus and you can touch below the waist too, but only for five minutes, to do that for longer you'll need an A minus." What do I get for an A or A plus?" he grinned as though knowing something that I didn't."An A gets you..." I paused to consider. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for. "Tamsin and Janice looked at each other."I suggest, Highness, that you wait in the common room until the Admiral decides which bedroom is assigned to whom. Are there many more concubines to come?" There are no concubines," Janice said firmly, "I am his wife and this is Tamsin, his daughter."Left alone, the two women talked about the odd arrangements."Of course, any Moslem is allowed four wives," said Tamsin, "So they need larger accommodation." You have never seen your father's cabin as Second.
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